A Letter To My 14 Year Old Self

I've seen a couple bloggers do this letter to themselves at 14 and I think its a brilliant post to do, so here is mine....

Hey girl, it’s you here, writing to you about you at 14.

I want you to be attentive to all my words. I know right now, the future seems so far off, I know you see certain things as being impossible for you but trust me it gets better. You get better.

You are so kind, you care so much in fact too much for those around you, if only you had the same love you had for others for yourself you would be so much better. It’s so sad to too see how insecure you are, you lack confidence so much but it doesn't show. Every single day you rise and get on with things as if you are the happiest person alive, making all kinds of jokes with those around you and feeling accepted when they chuckle along. You don’t think you are pretty, you don’t think you will ever be pretty. You have all these emotions swimming within and no clue how to apply them properly.

Quite recently the guy you liked so much called you a horrible name to your face. A very horrible name. I saw your face, for a split second you forgot everyone was around you and something inside you died. It’s sad to see the words of others had so much internal damage. You replayed the word in your head 100s of times and every time the pain felt worse. I wish you hadn't paid attention. I wish you were confident enough to dismiss his words. I wish you knew how precious you were. Even though he said it in kid play you still took it to heart.

You care so much about being a girl a guy would like. Stop it, stop getting so uptight about boys, they will be around forever, you meet some interesting characters later so don’t sweat it babe. There are millions of guys in the world and the world you live in at the moment doesn't even represent 1% and later on you will even reach a stage where you are like ‘goodness, leave me alone guys’ lol.

You battle with accepting your beautiful dark skin . You war with yourself so much, staring in the mirror endlessly wondering when it would change. You watch MTV every day as video girls in RnB videos shook their long luscious hair and you couldn't see you ever being her. You wanted it so bad. You wanted to look like them, you wanted the lighter skin, the hair that flows in the wind. You hated the physical you. At one point you googled ways to lighten your skin. Silly silly silly girl. If only you could see you through my eyes now. Perfectly imperfect. Your skin is perfect, the spots that come and go sometimes are perfect too. You are perfect in the strangest way, with ever thing in life you must learn to see the best in yourself.

You need to stop worrying so much about silly stuff, forget the mascara you’re not allowed to wear and stop comparing yourself to other girls. Stop wishing guy’s pursued you at the same rate and stop saying things to gain peoples approval. It may sound so crazy but I know better than anybody, the very things you despise about yourself become your strengths. You hate how emotional you get and how much you care but these very traits of empathy and love aid your growth into a loving and caring young woman. Yes, there are many times where your kind nature is abused and taken advantage of but I’m telling you, the experience doesn't break you, you cry a bit but in the end you understand all of it.

The way you view the world is so funny and you have all these plans in place. You can’t wait to make your parents proud of you; you have all these business ideas and dreams. Hold on to them. Don’t allow anyone to dull your shin, because you shine so much, and ever so brightly. You are so radiant in the must humble way. (I envy you a bit).

Mum and Dad seem so strict right! Lol, I promise you the boundaries put in place help shape you later, grit your teeth. Don’t depress yourself about all the parties you can’t attend because you aren’t allowed, don’t envy the drunken nights you missed. I promise you girl, all of this adds to your character development, you learn to not depend on certain things as a means to have fun and you are able to stand later on in life, knowing your limitations don’t make you weak.

Hoovering, tidying up, the early morning general cleaning calls of Mum and Dad are driving you insane, you can’t deal but diligently get on with it because sooner or later your obedient nature is praised, you will be drawn as an example and not only that but when you leave home for a few years to study your siblings take on the baton and you are free of the dishes lol.

I know you so well. I see the bigger picture. Laugh more and allow moments of fun to last as long as you can. Don’t fear who is talking about you and stop seeking the attention of certain people to be your friend. You will laugh when you see how everyone grows and people you thought were ‘cool’ end up not being so cool anymore. You have some good friends and some bad ones, but to be honest I think they all aided your growth, you learn about trust, loyalty and dishonor through these friendships so I think they are important for your development.

You are going to lose so many friends along the way, people you are envisioning as being your brides maids won’t be there in a few years, you will draw apart naturally. Some of them when you meet up again, whether it is after years of no communication or not, you will just fall back into your friendship because what bonds you together is stronger than the curse of time.  Some friends you will see and not recognize anymore, not just physically but emotionally you just won’t be in the same space anymore. It sounds impossible that out of your pool of friends you may only really have 2 or 3 that you maintain a strong bond with but such is life girl, such is life.

You are gorgeous, I would be your friend if I wasn't you lol! God loves you so much girl and although your vision at the moment is very restricted and you can’t see what I see, hold on to hope and continue to dream big.

Love you so much

I Love My White Friends...

Diversity is something I love, the fact that we all come in different shapes, colors and sizes is brilliant.

The world would be so boring if we were physical clones...

I was just having a conversation with one of my Caucasian friends who grew up around a lot of Black and Asian people and i was explaining the contrast in our experiences growing up. He learnt a lot about Africans, Jamaicans and Asians growing up so he embraced their culture. 

When i was growing up I attended a secondary school where i was practically the only chocolate malteaser around lol,  my friends would make comments that weren't intentionally ignorant but their curiousity about my race and the conclusions that they often made were funny.

I don't in anyway find any of it offensive, I look back and find it hilarious, its only natural if you havent been exposed to a mass type of person that you become curious.

So what i have done for banter purposes only is I have listed the funniest lines I've heard from my white friends when growing up...

1.You know we tan in the sun, do you go lighter in the sun?

Believe it or not this boy had a full conversation with me on this, he was as serious as serious gets and I remember wanting to laugh in his face but I simply replied 'of course, of course we do, im around your skin tone once the sun takes a hold on me' to which he replied 'I thought so' and nodded to himself in confirmation.

2.Wow, you must wake up so early to have to do your hair all over again!

I often had braids and my white friends loved it, they would be feeling and touching on it. One day my friend said 'goodness you must wake up so early to have to redo those braids'. I paused. As a laugh trickled up my throat. I nodded. I wanted to allow her to think that but then i came clean about how we keep the braids in. She looked so embarrassed. See i can hide my red face under all this melanin but for her she turned bright red and burst into a fit of laughter. 

3. Do you speak African?

 Oh dear! This one I've heard a few times. The good old 'Do you speak African' bar...no Tommy i don't speak African the same way none of us speak British. I then had to explain that Africa had different countries inside it....i'm sure he got an A in geography after my break down

4. Your hair grows so fast!

 The deception of a good weave. One day my hair looks like a hedgehog on crack the next day my hair is brushing above my behind. I'm not sure if they thought my hair grew every 2 seconds or whether they thought i had a magic cream but no. It was fake....I was feeding y'all with visual lies lol.

5. Is that your cousin? 

Funnily enough i heard this a lot, a black person would join the school and they were bound to be my cousin. I would have my friends tap me and ask if i was related to the black kid in year 10..*sigh* 'sorry to break your bubble guys but no me and Tapiwa arent long lost cousins'!

6. You are Olu suit!

You are automatically paired with one of your 'cousins', If they manage to catch me talking with another black male that was it lol.. we are getting married 'You and Olu suit',*straightface* 'honestly should i ask him to ask you out' *straightface* . It took months to shake off any chocolate pairing. I just want to be free guys....

7. I wish I had your hair

While they pulled and tugged on my braids and i closed my eyes praying my pick and drop style doesn't decided to disgrace me and fall out, they would shower me with compliments. Back then i would secretly roll my eyes because I felt it was patronizing but now I think they genuinely loved it.

8. Your skin is flawless

 With the biggest pimple on my chin however I cant lie in my school in comparison to many of the pupils my skin was something to be envious of lol

None of this is being highlighted for serious topic discussion or anything, its just funny and its all banter!

The more we interact the more we learn about each other :)

x

For A Sweet Tooth: Chocolate Brownies Recipe

I'm such a cake person, I love a nice slice of Victoria sponge or a fruit tart so today I present you with my quick and easy recipe for Brownies!

Ingredients

• 150g butter, melted (I put in the microwave for a little as it usually quite hard)
• 325g of brown sugar (or more depending on your taste)
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 150g plain flour

3 eggs

• 100g unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
• 75g mini chocolate chips 

Method - Serves 8-10

1. To begin with preheat the oven to 180 C / Gas 4. Lightly grease and flour a baking tin (now this is dependent on how many you want to make)
2. Beat butter, sugar and vanilla. Add eggs in gradually one at a time.
3. Sift flour, cocoa, salt and baking powder and add this all to the mixture. Beat it slowly and make sure it blends together well, once its all mixed in properly add chocolate chips then mix again thoroughly
4. Pour it into the baking tin and bake it for 20 minutes or until a skewer poked into the centre comes out clean. Don't mistake melted chocolate chip from the batter. The skewer has to have a bit of chocolate stuck to it. But if it's a lot of chocolate stuck, then it's not ready yet.
5. Let it cool. With brownies its important to let it cool down properly so that its not too crumbly and is more soft and chewy. Slice as desired and serve with ice cream or custard or cream or whatever floats your boat!

Hope you enjoy x

Be Careful What You Say She Is Listening...

http://youtu.be/sY3ZGA1pLUw

Just another video where i highlight my concerns about the image we have built of the ideal woman. Many of us are not aware of the massive impact our words have on the girls that follow behind us.

Hope you enjoy!

Vapiano Inspired Spinach and Bacon Lardons Pasta

One of my friends introduced me to the joys that lies in a meal from Vapiano! 

I had a Spinach and King Prawn Pasta which was lush! 

                 

Ever since I went to Vapiano I've been planning my return but in the mean while I thought I'd improvise at home and make a meal inspired by my visit.

So here is a quick recipe for a Spinach and Lardons Pasta (didn't have any king prawns at home so lardons it was)! 

So here is the end result of my meal and I must say all the family throughly enjoyed it! 

                          

                          

Ingredients: 

500g Pasta (I used Fusilli pasta and I used a lot of pasta because I was cooking for the family :)..so you may need more or less...mine fed 5)

                         

Spinach (100g) 

                         

Mozzarella cheese 

                          

Philadelphia  3-4 spoons

                           

Milk (semi skimmed)  - Half a pint

                           

Bacon lardons (You can use Chicken or Prawns instead)

Sunflower Oil (4 Table Spoons)

All purpose seasoning, mixed herbs, garlic, chilli seasoning.

Bay leaves

Sea Salt

Lets start cooking...

Boil some pasta (whilst you are cooking the rest keep your eye on the pasta and drain once cooked)

First of all add 4 table spoons of an oil of your choice and a thin slice of butter into your pot, after a few seconds add the lardons in to the pot and lightly fry (ensure you stir every few seconds to avoid it sticking)

Once you can see the lardons have fried add a quarter of half a pint of milk to the pot. Allow it to cook for 2 minutes and then add spinach into the pot.

Stir the spinach in the pot for a minute or two and then add the seasoning (garlic, all purpose, thyme, chillies etc)

Add 3 tablespoons of Philadelphia to the pot and stir in gently.

Stir in well

Make sure you taste the sauce and add more seasoning if you need to.

 At this point I added a bit more milk just to liquidise the sauce a bit more

                                       Add the cooked pasta into the pot and stir in gently

At this point you may find the spinach bunches together and causes an issue with distribution. Just take a fork and separate the chunks.

Once the sauce has been stirred in well. Its time to grab the cheese! (You don't have to use Mozzarella but its my favourite!) 

Add the cheese with a splash of water too and stir in. It will become quite sticky now but keep stirring.

Taste and add more seasoning if needed

Serve with BBQ chicken drumsticks or grilled salmon

                           

Tuck in x

Our Little Nandos Secret

I love myself a Nandos, obviously on card to some people it just chicken and chips but I can tell you its much more than that to us die hard Nandos fans!

Now the thing is I really do not like spice. I hate spice. I can handle a tiny bit. A very small amount. As soon as people start getting heavy handed with the chilli im not involved! Those of you that go Nandos know that they have a wide range of tongue twisting, mouth burning spicy sauces and I never participate in allowing them to smear that stuff on my chicken - No thanks! Im spicy enough as a person, don't want to overload myself with excess spice!

This is were my secret comes in - I really didn't want to continue telling people because my fear is one day they will run out and it will all by my fault. But sharing is caring and my parents brought me up to have manners so.........

If you look on the kids menu you will see.....

The Per-Tamer sauce is basically one of Gods many gifts to us humans on earth! It is a sweet BBQ flavoured sauce, it isnt spicy and they only put it on the menu for kids to enjoy...until one faithful day I tried my luck and BINGO, Peri-Tamer can be used on any meal!

So for those of you who like to push the boat out a little bit and broaden the horizons of your taste buds, next time you are in Nandos ask for Peri-tamer instead of your usual 'Hot' or 'Mango and Lime' and Thank me later!

*Also you can order grilled mushroom as a side in Nandos - but I cant lie when I ordered it to try it didn't look very appetising, it was extremely wet and not exactly the 'grilled' side I thought it would be. However don't let that deter you, it may be nicer in another area!.

Also apparently there is an Avocado starter....

x

Mummy picked a bad daddy for you. Dad isn't a 'dead beat' he is just doing him.

I was having some lunch the other day and being the super alert, all hearing person I am, I could hear the conversation the women next to me were having. Let me just set the scene for you guys, so 4 women, all mid 20s I would say, couple prams, couple shopping bags, looked like the usual mid week link up. Now one of the ladies was complaining about her sons father, she was saying he ‘doesn’t pull his weight’, ‘everything is on me’ ‘Jaden* hardly gets to see his Dad’ etc, the other girls came with the usually female condolence statements like ‘don’t worry about it’, ‘at least Jaden has you’, ‘when it comes down to it, Jaden will grow up and see his father for who he is’ etc. Now one of the Ladies added at the end of the rant ‘Nick* has always been a waste man though, and you know it Leah*, he has not got a serious bone in his body, never has had one and never will’ and the women steadily replied ‘I know’ and sighed then the conversation moved on.

Pause.

I literally paused for more than a second.

Then i started to think.

(As you do.)

Immediately i began to think about some single mums I know and others that I have come across or have heard of that are in these predicaments or similar. (You know the whole bad daddy thing and mum left to pick up the pieces scenario.)

There just seems to be a pattern in the kind of guys some of these women go for. I’m talking about those guys that from day 1 are nonchalant about life, sleep around, not consistent in the relationship, seek physical before any emotional, guys that don’t value you but rather use you to fill up time....then women complain and say things like....

Jerome isn’t pulling his weight, he doesn’t make enough time to see him, he doesn’t love me anymore, we argue a lot, there is another woman on the scene etc and it dawned on me. At some point there was a choice, an informed decision that was made and that decision was:

‘ALTHOUGH THIS MAN IS NOT FIT ENOUGH TO BE A FATHER I WILL LAY WITH HIM, GIVE BIRTH TO OUR CHILD AND I WILL PICK UP THE PIECES WHEN IT ALL CRUMBLES’, because from day 1 he has not showed me any signs to make me believe he could be a real father.

Digest.

At what point did his ‘wastemanness’ come to light to you?, before you got physical?, After?, During? When? because the matter of fact is many women know who they are laying themselves down for, its just many seem to convince themselves that he will somehow  ‘change’ or learn to change for them or for their ‘situation’ or for their child.

Newsflash 1 – You are no different to the other women that took his rubbish all the other times before and I am not saying he doesn’t have the power to change, what I am saying is that unless the divine hand of God transforms his life, you need to be prepared for him to remain the same.

Newsflash 2 - He knows that there are many women out there that are prepared to put up with what his has to offer, what you have to do is decide if that woman is you.

You now have the child and things are not different. At some point an informed decision was made that this man is good enough not only to get physical with me but to become the father of my child. Now you feel helpless and you will do anything especially if you are now deeply in love, anything to keep him sweet, anything to spark up the ‘fake’ emotional connection that you had. I hate to sound so harsh but when a man loves you, when a man sincerely wants you for you and nothing else, it is very obvious in both his interactions and his communication with you. This is why I use the term ‘fake ‘connection because if his compliments, strokes of your face, late night calls or his ‘xxx’ at the end of his messages to you are the sole cement for you thinking he is what he says he is, then you have fallen for his trap and you must carry your cross for doing so.

Many women will now cuss and abuse their children’s father in front of the child, to their own parents, to their cat, to their dog, to their friends painting this picture of man who failed to take up his responsibility but never seem to acknowledge the fact that at one point an informed decision was made. The matter of fact is you knew who you were dealing with from the get go! The part of the story where you forgot you was a queen and allowed a rouge to get the better part of you is often left out.

NEVER EVER ASSUME SOMEBODY WILL CHANGE BECAUSE OF YOU OR BECAUSE A CHILD

This again goes back to my point of ‘setting standards and living out the standards you set. You cannot huff and puff when things aren’t what you thought they would be.  All the signs were in front of you at the get go and you must be strong enough to take responsibility for your part in the unfortunate situation which is due to your lack of ability to be reasonable and assess the nature and character of this man earlier on. It is due to you putting this ‘love blind’ feeling first and because of this you have a situation in your hands, a situation which can go either way, it can get better if the man chooses to change or it could just stay the same. It could go either way.

My point is at some point in your life you will need to stop playing the blame game. Obviously my view on this isn’t applicable to everyone and there are some people who genuinely are deceived by someone they care about and were once in love with. However at the same time there are thousands of women who know from the start the kind of guy they are getting themselves involved with and at the back of their mind all the cards are laid out face forward they just choose to turn them over and hope magic takes its place. Many of you chose your ‘baby daddy’, many of you gave him that status , that privilege and you knew that he wasn’t fit enough to be the man you or your child would need. It’s a very harsh reality to come to terms with and these issues stem from many things, daddy issues, insecurities, fear of being alone etc. It is sad because there are many men who would be great fathers and great men for women but the bad ones seem to get to golden pass.

In life it’s very important to be able to assess situations thoroughly putting aside emotions, and learning to be critical with one’s self. Stop moaning, it is done, child is here and the one thing that child needs is your undivided love and care. If the guy doesn’t want to pull his weight, there isn’t much you can do to change that, and the future will take its own cause on him.

I’m not saying it’s acceptable to be dead beat but he knows no better – it’s like asking a horse to ride a bike and your child isn’t an experiment for him to be diving and out of their life. It is really sad because children need their parents – BOTH PARENTS and whether or not you like the Dad or not if he is willing to be present and do well by the child you are obliged to let him do so (as long as he poses no risk to the child don’t use your child as a weapon against him).

As women we need to get a grip with our value. It is becoming more and more of an issue nowadays, people comparing their lives to others ‘happily ever after’ and woman having these ‘relationship goal’ pictures to make references to whilst they cry a river and stuff their face with chocolate bars. The change starts with you and starts with you adjusting your mindset. If you already have a child and you are not with the child’s father then take the necessary steps to assure history doesn't repeat itself. Let your standards be known from the get go; don’t be scared of sounding too serious because you will only be handled the way you care yourself.

  When you buy something and its fragile it will be written in bold on the box FRAGILE HANDLE WITH CARE, they don’t put the sign inside the box because that makes the instruction useless, it’s essential to know before so that it can be handled accordingly.

If you are a woman that is yet to have a child but find yourself in a limbo situation with a worthless goat please hand in your resignation asap, come to terms with your value and stop settling for less especially whilst their isn't a child in the mix.

So life will always be life and we will get it wrong sometimes but do yourself a favour get your priorities straight and stand for no nonsense. Make sure you focus on being the best you can be for that child.