A Letter To My 14 Year Old Self

I've seen a couple bloggers do this letter to themselves at 14 and I think its a brilliant post to do, so here is mine....

Hey girl, it’s you here, writing to you about you at 14.

I want you to be attentive to all my words. I know right now, the future seems so far off, I know you see certain things as being impossible for you but trust me it gets better. You get better.

You are so kind, you care so much in fact too much for those around you, if only you had the same love you had for others for yourself you would be so much better. It’s so sad to too see how insecure you are, you lack confidence so much but it doesn't show. Every single day you rise and get on with things as if you are the happiest person alive, making all kinds of jokes with those around you and feeling accepted when they chuckle along. You don’t think you are pretty, you don’t think you will ever be pretty. You have all these emotions swimming within and no clue how to apply them properly.

Quite recently the guy you liked so much called you a horrible name to your face. A very horrible name. I saw your face, for a split second you forgot everyone was around you and something inside you died. It’s sad to see the words of others had so much internal damage. You replayed the word in your head 100s of times and every time the pain felt worse. I wish you hadn't paid attention. I wish you were confident enough to dismiss his words. I wish you knew how precious you were. Even though he said it in kid play you still took it to heart.

You care so much about being a girl a guy would like. Stop it, stop getting so uptight about boys, they will be around forever, you meet some interesting characters later so don’t sweat it babe. There are millions of guys in the world and the world you live in at the moment doesn't even represent 1% and later on you will even reach a stage where you are like ‘goodness, leave me alone guys’ lol.

You battle with accepting your beautiful dark skin . You war with yourself so much, staring in the mirror endlessly wondering when it would change. You watch MTV every day as video girls in RnB videos shook their long luscious hair and you couldn't see you ever being her. You wanted it so bad. You wanted to look like them, you wanted the lighter skin, the hair that flows in the wind. You hated the physical you. At one point you googled ways to lighten your skin. Silly silly silly girl. If only you could see you through my eyes now. Perfectly imperfect. Your skin is perfect, the spots that come and go sometimes are perfect too. You are perfect in the strangest way, with ever thing in life you must learn to see the best in yourself.

You need to stop worrying so much about silly stuff, forget the mascara you’re not allowed to wear and stop comparing yourself to other girls. Stop wishing guy’s pursued you at the same rate and stop saying things to gain peoples approval. It may sound so crazy but I know better than anybody, the very things you despise about yourself become your strengths. You hate how emotional you get and how much you care but these very traits of empathy and love aid your growth into a loving and caring young woman. Yes, there are many times where your kind nature is abused and taken advantage of but I’m telling you, the experience doesn't break you, you cry a bit but in the end you understand all of it.

The way you view the world is so funny and you have all these plans in place. You can’t wait to make your parents proud of you; you have all these business ideas and dreams. Hold on to them. Don’t allow anyone to dull your shin, because you shine so much, and ever so brightly. You are so radiant in the must humble way. (I envy you a bit).

Mum and Dad seem so strict right! Lol, I promise you the boundaries put in place help shape you later, grit your teeth. Don’t depress yourself about all the parties you can’t attend because you aren’t allowed, don’t envy the drunken nights you missed. I promise you girl, all of this adds to your character development, you learn to not depend on certain things as a means to have fun and you are able to stand later on in life, knowing your limitations don’t make you weak.

Hoovering, tidying up, the early morning general cleaning calls of Mum and Dad are driving you insane, you can’t deal but diligently get on with it because sooner or later your obedient nature is praised, you will be drawn as an example and not only that but when you leave home for a few years to study your siblings take on the baton and you are free of the dishes lol.

I know you so well. I see the bigger picture. Laugh more and allow moments of fun to last as long as you can. Don’t fear who is talking about you and stop seeking the attention of certain people to be your friend. You will laugh when you see how everyone grows and people you thought were ‘cool’ end up not being so cool anymore. You have some good friends and some bad ones, but to be honest I think they all aided your growth, you learn about trust, loyalty and dishonor through these friendships so I think they are important for your development.

You are going to lose so many friends along the way, people you are envisioning as being your brides maids won’t be there in a few years, you will draw apart naturally. Some of them when you meet up again, whether it is after years of no communication or not, you will just fall back into your friendship because what bonds you together is stronger than the curse of time.  Some friends you will see and not recognize anymore, not just physically but emotionally you just won’t be in the same space anymore. It sounds impossible that out of your pool of friends you may only really have 2 or 3 that you maintain a strong bond with but such is life girl, such is life.

You are gorgeous, I would be your friend if I wasn't you lol! God loves you so much girl and although your vision at the moment is very restricted and you can’t see what I see, hold on to hope and continue to dream big.

Love you so much

Be Careful What You Say She Is Listening...

http://youtu.be/sY3ZGA1pLUw

Just another video where i highlight my concerns about the image we have built of the ideal woman. Many of us are not aware of the massive impact our words have on the girls that follow behind us.

Hope you enjoy!

Why I Left the Kim Kardashian Klub

Ok! Before anybody decides to jump down my neck, let me calm of you that may be part of the Kim Kardashian family and explain myself....

I do not hate Kim Kardashian. (hating isn't my style)  I despise certain behaviour traits that she chooses to publicly exhibit. She is a mother and a wife and I just 'feel some type of way' towards her mannerisms.

If you are a part of her 'klub', that's great :/ lol! But I would love to know and understand why, maybe there is something I'm missing 

Well i hope you enjoy my little rant :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWy2K1mjEec

Part one

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIcBmxXWMp4

Part two

A Journey Of A Thousand Miles - The Mind

You know what, I like to be real, I love cutting out all the rubbish and getting to the route of the problem, I used to be the kind of woman that would suppress so many emotions inside as a means to not come across as 'weak', I wanted to have all the answers and I just never wanted to have to admit 'Im not ok'. Life can be such a task sometimes, we all have days when we would prefer to just blend in with our beds and not have to get on with it, we have days when we questions so many things, days when we just want to give up! Its normal, like they say its OK not to be OK, what is not cool is remaining in that mindset.
Now what you will notice about me is i love talking about 'setting standards and sticking to them' Why? because it took me so long to actually look myself in the mirror and realise that I had all the right ideas, theories, I knew what to say when i was around people, I could provide solid advice but my own personal life wasn't reflecting what I put out. So I had to challenge myself, challenge my ability to see my standards through, challenge my everyday thinking.
We all have things that we wish we could change 'I wish I had bigger boobs...I wish my voice wasn't so deep....I wish I could dance like her' whatever it is, if it is not detrimental to your health, well being and if it will not add to you as a person then not only does it speak volume about where you are up there, but you are giving your so called weakness room to germinate! What then happens is you start to then see yourself as not being enough! The questions you need to then ask yourself is whose standards am I adhering to? and Why exactly am I not enough? Its all in the mind.
One thing that i personally used to do was indirectly seek the approval of others 'The people pleaser syndrome', isn't it funny how much weight we put into feeling accepted, its like we need that firm stamp of approval from others to confirm we are doing it the 'right way'. Now don't get me wrong it is important for us to feel loved and wanted, but it needs to be for the right reasons. You need to learn to approve of yourself first. You need to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and speak words of affirmation to yourself. Look at that woman and acknowledge the growth, acknowledge the strength no matter how small they seem in your eyes, acknowledge your existence and apologise for every making that reflection feel less worthy than it should. Adopt a positive attitude towards your existence.
Half the time it comes down to you making a decision, decide to choose life, decide to be happy, consciouslly corrrect yourself when you undermine anything you do! There is nothing wrong with being critical but it must be on things that would benefit you if done better or looked at better.
See it like this 'the mind is a battlefield' and what you accept as truths start to become truths to you and you will start to play out your state of mind! Even if you come across as the most confident person in the room, it only takes a small amount of time for some to start noticing the cracks in your act, it would just be better to work on actually developing your confidence.
Fight a big fight against negative thinking, I don't what you may have been told growing up, what a guy may have said to you about your image, I don't know if you are battling with self-esteem issues on a daily basis but what  do know is a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step and those that are mentally prepared for the journey are more equipped for whats ahead.
Take that step, don't let anybody or anything have a negative foothold on your thinking!
Like I always say I'm not saying the journey is easy, I still fall, however you must develop the willpower to stand against it.

So if you are in a toxic relationship that isn't helping develop your mental being, if it is draining you emotionally and having you question your value -  Either demand change or take steps to get out of it! Don't give an irresponsible guy with a deadly tongue the power over you! Set the standard and let him know you will accept nothing less than to be respected!

If as a child you were bullied or went through some domestic issues that still play out in you, that still have you questioning yourself ! Allow yourself to let go, you owe yourself that much. You are killing yourself slowly by hanging on - Cry, write, sing but deal with it head on, if you need to talk to someone do it now but don't deny yourself life.

If you are in a career or if you are studying and you are not doing what best makes you shine, if you are constantly warring with yourself and know you should be doing something else! Start to pursue change, mute that voice in your head that says you cant do it, find some inner strength speak positively into your endeavours and start taking steps.

There are so many examples I can draw from but it all starts with the mind. We all must start to take note of our mental state and take steps to making changes where necessary and ill end with a quote from Stephen King 'you can, you should and if you're brave enough to start, you will' Start that journey today!

Have a lovely day :)