A Letter To My 14 Year Old Self

I've seen a couple bloggers do this letter to themselves at 14 and I think its a brilliant post to do, so here is mine....

Hey girl, it’s you here, writing to you about you at 14.

I want you to be attentive to all my words. I know right now, the future seems so far off, I know you see certain things as being impossible for you but trust me it gets better. You get better.

You are so kind, you care so much in fact too much for those around you, if only you had the same love you had for others for yourself you would be so much better. It’s so sad to too see how insecure you are, you lack confidence so much but it doesn't show. Every single day you rise and get on with things as if you are the happiest person alive, making all kinds of jokes with those around you and feeling accepted when they chuckle along. You don’t think you are pretty, you don’t think you will ever be pretty. You have all these emotions swimming within and no clue how to apply them properly.

Quite recently the guy you liked so much called you a horrible name to your face. A very horrible name. I saw your face, for a split second you forgot everyone was around you and something inside you died. It’s sad to see the words of others had so much internal damage. You replayed the word in your head 100s of times and every time the pain felt worse. I wish you hadn't paid attention. I wish you were confident enough to dismiss his words. I wish you knew how precious you were. Even though he said it in kid play you still took it to heart.

You care so much about being a girl a guy would like. Stop it, stop getting so uptight about boys, they will be around forever, you meet some interesting characters later so don’t sweat it babe. There are millions of guys in the world and the world you live in at the moment doesn't even represent 1% and later on you will even reach a stage where you are like ‘goodness, leave me alone guys’ lol.

You battle with accepting your beautiful dark skin . You war with yourself so much, staring in the mirror endlessly wondering when it would change. You watch MTV every day as video girls in RnB videos shook their long luscious hair and you couldn't see you ever being her. You wanted it so bad. You wanted to look like them, you wanted the lighter skin, the hair that flows in the wind. You hated the physical you. At one point you googled ways to lighten your skin. Silly silly silly girl. If only you could see you through my eyes now. Perfectly imperfect. Your skin is perfect, the spots that come and go sometimes are perfect too. You are perfect in the strangest way, with ever thing in life you must learn to see the best in yourself.

You need to stop worrying so much about silly stuff, forget the mascara you’re not allowed to wear and stop comparing yourself to other girls. Stop wishing guy’s pursued you at the same rate and stop saying things to gain peoples approval. It may sound so crazy but I know better than anybody, the very things you despise about yourself become your strengths. You hate how emotional you get and how much you care but these very traits of empathy and love aid your growth into a loving and caring young woman. Yes, there are many times where your kind nature is abused and taken advantage of but I’m telling you, the experience doesn't break you, you cry a bit but in the end you understand all of it.

The way you view the world is so funny and you have all these plans in place. You can’t wait to make your parents proud of you; you have all these business ideas and dreams. Hold on to them. Don’t allow anyone to dull your shin, because you shine so much, and ever so brightly. You are so radiant in the must humble way. (I envy you a bit).

Mum and Dad seem so strict right! Lol, I promise you the boundaries put in place help shape you later, grit your teeth. Don’t depress yourself about all the parties you can’t attend because you aren’t allowed, don’t envy the drunken nights you missed. I promise you girl, all of this adds to your character development, you learn to not depend on certain things as a means to have fun and you are able to stand later on in life, knowing your limitations don’t make you weak.

Hoovering, tidying up, the early morning general cleaning calls of Mum and Dad are driving you insane, you can’t deal but diligently get on with it because sooner or later your obedient nature is praised, you will be drawn as an example and not only that but when you leave home for a few years to study your siblings take on the baton and you are free of the dishes lol.

I know you so well. I see the bigger picture. Laugh more and allow moments of fun to last as long as you can. Don’t fear who is talking about you and stop seeking the attention of certain people to be your friend. You will laugh when you see how everyone grows and people you thought were ‘cool’ end up not being so cool anymore. You have some good friends and some bad ones, but to be honest I think they all aided your growth, you learn about trust, loyalty and dishonor through these friendships so I think they are important for your development.

You are going to lose so many friends along the way, people you are envisioning as being your brides maids won’t be there in a few years, you will draw apart naturally. Some of them when you meet up again, whether it is after years of no communication or not, you will just fall back into your friendship because what bonds you together is stronger than the curse of time.  Some friends you will see and not recognize anymore, not just physically but emotionally you just won’t be in the same space anymore. It sounds impossible that out of your pool of friends you may only really have 2 or 3 that you maintain a strong bond with but such is life girl, such is life.

You are gorgeous, I would be your friend if I wasn't you lol! God loves you so much girl and although your vision at the moment is very restricted and you can’t see what I see, hold on to hope and continue to dream big.

Love you so much