A Journey Of A Thousand Miles - The Mind

You know what, I like to be real, I love cutting out all the rubbish and getting to the route of the problem, I used to be the kind of woman that would suppress so many emotions inside as a means to not come across as 'weak', I wanted to have all the answers and I just never wanted to have to admit 'Im not ok'. Life can be such a task sometimes, we all have days when we would prefer to just blend in with our beds and not have to get on with it, we have days when we questions so many things, days when we just want to give up! Its normal, like they say its OK not to be OK, what is not cool is remaining in that mindset.
Now what you will notice about me is i love talking about 'setting standards and sticking to them' Why? because it took me so long to actually look myself in the mirror and realise that I had all the right ideas, theories, I knew what to say when i was around people, I could provide solid advice but my own personal life wasn't reflecting what I put out. So I had to challenge myself, challenge my ability to see my standards through, challenge my everyday thinking.
We all have things that we wish we could change 'I wish I had bigger boobs...I wish my voice wasn't so deep....I wish I could dance like her' whatever it is, if it is not detrimental to your health, well being and if it will not add to you as a person then not only does it speak volume about where you are up there, but you are giving your so called weakness room to germinate! What then happens is you start to then see yourself as not being enough! The questions you need to then ask yourself is whose standards am I adhering to? and Why exactly am I not enough? Its all in the mind.
One thing that i personally used to do was indirectly seek the approval of others 'The people pleaser syndrome', isn't it funny how much weight we put into feeling accepted, its like we need that firm stamp of approval from others to confirm we are doing it the 'right way'. Now don't get me wrong it is important for us to feel loved and wanted, but it needs to be for the right reasons. You need to learn to approve of yourself first. You need to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and speak words of affirmation to yourself. Look at that woman and acknowledge the growth, acknowledge the strength no matter how small they seem in your eyes, acknowledge your existence and apologise for every making that reflection feel less worthy than it should. Adopt a positive attitude towards your existence.
Half the time it comes down to you making a decision, decide to choose life, decide to be happy, consciouslly corrrect yourself when you undermine anything you do! There is nothing wrong with being critical but it must be on things that would benefit you if done better or looked at better.
See it like this 'the mind is a battlefield' and what you accept as truths start to become truths to you and you will start to play out your state of mind! Even if you come across as the most confident person in the room, it only takes a small amount of time for some to start noticing the cracks in your act, it would just be better to work on actually developing your confidence.
Fight a big fight against negative thinking, I don't what you may have been told growing up, what a guy may have said to you about your image, I don't know if you are battling with self-esteem issues on a daily basis but what  do know is a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step and those that are mentally prepared for the journey are more equipped for whats ahead.
Take that step, don't let anybody or anything have a negative foothold on your thinking!
Like I always say I'm not saying the journey is easy, I still fall, however you must develop the willpower to stand against it.

So if you are in a toxic relationship that isn't helping develop your mental being, if it is draining you emotionally and having you question your value -  Either demand change or take steps to get out of it! Don't give an irresponsible guy with a deadly tongue the power over you! Set the standard and let him know you will accept nothing less than to be respected!

If as a child you were bullied or went through some domestic issues that still play out in you, that still have you questioning yourself ! Allow yourself to let go, you owe yourself that much. You are killing yourself slowly by hanging on - Cry, write, sing but deal with it head on, if you need to talk to someone do it now but don't deny yourself life.

If you are in a career or if you are studying and you are not doing what best makes you shine, if you are constantly warring with yourself and know you should be doing something else! Start to pursue change, mute that voice in your head that says you cant do it, find some inner strength speak positively into your endeavours and start taking steps.

There are so many examples I can draw from but it all starts with the mind. We all must start to take note of our mental state and take steps to making changes where necessary and ill end with a quote from Stephen King 'you can, you should and if you're brave enough to start, you will' Start that journey today!

Have a lovely day :)

Review Time: Zara Fragrances - Fruity and Oriental

I am the type of person who loves a nice elegant scent, from fruity scents to more subtle and mature scents, I stand in perfume stores for as long as my nose can tolerate smelling everything!

I was in Zara last week and at the till they had the sample of the 'Oriental' perfume, now all I can say is I literally sprayed every inch of my being with it. It is a subtle sweet scent with a Vanilla and Caramely twang to it! Absolutely gorgeous! Smells like something Chanel would come up with and what tops it off is you can buy 100ml of it for £9.99! If you are like me and you love a bargain you wouldn't just stop there! I went through all their fragrances, i even dropped one by accident due to my excitement! (sorry Zara).

My excitement didn't stop there, I discovered i could by both the Fruity and Oriental perfumes in a duo pack as displayed below, both 100ml for £12.99! Can I get an Amen! I was like 'what?!', its just the value of the scent for that prices! I was in shock for a while.

Now the Fruity one is more of a Citrusy scent, it has a powdery undertone and is a perfect perfume for those of us who love a very sweet scent! I am a very very sweet scent lover, Beyonce's range to me is perfection! I find us Diva's have a similar taste in perfume!

Both the perfume last very well, they are Eau de toilettes so you may need to top up every now again but I have found that the smell does linger. They come in a  see through cube shaped glass and I must be honest I prefer when I can see the perfume! (Lets me know when i need to go top up - also I can rinse it to the very last drop!)

They would be excellent as gifts, there are so many perfumes in there and I will definitely be going back to get some more! Trust me! Go into a Zara and try out their range its pure perfection!

If anyone has tried any of the Zara perfumes and can recommend please do let me know I am a sucker for a quality bargain!

The Mind Of A Female

If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don't write, because our culture has no use for it.

Anais Nin

Every know and again i enjoy writing short stories, poems etc! I'm a bit of a nerd when it comes down to it, I love hiding myself behind a book and getting my read on!

This one is an extract from something I wrote a long time ago and I just came across it whilst digging through my lappy!

The silence of being alone can be deafening, thoughts gain access to the volume knob of my mind and day by day the decibel increases, the sounds constantly ringing in my head. I learnt to perfect my smile; I learnt to perfect my ‘I’m too good for you’ frown to mask the pain I was warring inside. What is it about me that is so repulsive, I wouldn’t say I'm ugly?...I mean I got my hair done the other day but it doesn’t change me ? Does it? I'm pretty womanly if you ask me and I’m fun to be around if I can say so myself...so what is it? What is the issue? Why won’t they stay? Why won’t they love me like I love them?

What is he looking at? I was standing in Zara looking for a new dress for my mum’s surprise birthday meal and I met his eye, when I say met his eye I caught his staring at me, well not into my eyes if I must say, I followed his eyes and it met my chest! Great! Another peeping Tom, I stared back so he could meet my eye and at least feel embarrassed but he continues and only stops when what seems to be his woman taps his shoulder to hold her bag while she tries to size up this pretty nice pleated top against her.....small girl she was, huge eyes, looked like someone who would be talkative, gossip prone anyway I left Zara empty handed and made my way back to car I could shop tomorrow after Uni or something.

Why is it that when you are single it seems like everyone else in love, and to be honest it makes you feel slightly sick, why they got to be so happy? He doesn’t even drive a nice car? Why do they kiss and hold hands and smile and breathe! Well you catch my drift, I’m not jealous because I’m not the jealous type, I just feel like nobody is on my wagon when it’s time to be single that’s all.

Do you know something I hate? Is when someone takes forever to reverse park especially when I need to get across to the other side and their heap of junk is blocking my way! Like turn the wheel...step on it1 you have more than enough room to just go back without you coming back and forth about umpteen times. She had her hand on the back of his head and they were talking about something that was obviously funny, she kept laughing and then doing that thing were you look at them with admiration beyond comphrehsion and he did the same, she kept throwing her head back in streams of laughter as he tried to park right next to where I had parked. I stood there waiting for him to be quick. I thought guys were better drivers than women anyway. They had the H factor that gleam of happiness had been splashed on them. He had nice trainers and she had a nice bag, he held out his hand and she reached back. They looked so normal like being happy in love is normal. I got in my car and pulled away.

Make sure you let me know what you think....if you like it ill post some more :)

'Fall Back Friday' Lady

Not my own photography - Mexxie4eva

You should know what I mean by that, the lady who takes everything on the chin and then backs his behaviour up by convincing herself that ‘he doesn't mean to be like that’..’i know he cares about me’...’he loves me, he does, he took me to Nandos once’.

Reality Check Time

I hate to be the Debby Downer but you need to realise that ‘you will only get treated the way you allow people to treat you’.. Now obviously some of us females find ourselves in a position whereabouts the guy didn't show any signs that you weren't as important as he made you feel. They initially treat you special, and then the cracks in the wall start to show.

It’s one of the biggest and hardest forms of heartbreak in any kind of relationship! To know you invested so much into someone and yet that just wasn’t enough for them to be who you thought they was or should I say who you wanted them to be.

He has to be emotionally available to you otherwise it’s a waste of time, I know some people love to go with the flow but if he isn’t showing signs of interest in your heart it’s time to kick him to the curb. Your heart has no time to waste.

You as a woman have to know what you can accept and what you can’t! 

SET STANDARDS FOR YOURSELF AND STICK TO THEM!

It takes experience to know that it isn’t as simple as it has been put, the vast majority of woman I know would have a huge list of ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts’ yet when it comes down to the actuality of it they fly out of the window without their knowledge. I know a lot of us think we wouldn't stand for certain things and then we get into a situation and before we know it we become a woman against our very own word. It the art of manipulation, some guys know how to turn on the ‘perfect guy’ act, saying things and talking in a manner that make you think they are the man of your dreams. Now it is a big shame for the good guy who genuinely is who he says but we all know there are too many wolves in sheep skin out here. We need to be vigilant.

Having your heart broken once is bad enough yet alone having it repeat, we all deserve someone to love and care for us like we need but some of us kiss many frogs along that journey.

Don’t get me wrong though some men do change but the flip side is some don’t and if certain repeated behaviour is being forgiven, one has to be willing to take the risk of it reoccurring.

My ultimate advice is do not give up on true love and don’t look at all guys out there as crooks because I know some guys have been hurt too. I can’t sit here and say there are ’10 ultimate signs that he isn’t phoney’ because they come in different shapes and sizes nowadays but I will say ‘communicate how you feel’ if you feel neglected or like he isn’t pulling his weight, his response to your complaint should give you the ultimate answer. DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE and expect him to read your mind. In some men’s defence they just don’t know how to communicate well with woman and some ladies expect them to automatically know what’s up.

Let him know your value and appreciate him too, not all guys will treat you like a 'fallback' chick or mess around but don’t settle because you think it’s going to get better.

Remember it is better to be alone than to be alone in a relationship!

Hope that post will be of some help or at least a boost for someone - I will be posting up a video explaining a bit more about myself and what I intend to do within my blog and on Youtube :)

Have a lovely day!